Current Day – November 6th 2019, thirteen years later.

We’re coming up to the half way point of our year out backpacking our way around Australia in 2006, and as I think ahead to what follows in 2007 and all the years after this I wonder if I would do anything differently knowing what I know now. We all wonder this occasionally don’t we? The simple answer is nothing. Sure I’ve said and done things along the way that with knowledge and experience I’d perhaps do differently now, but isn’t that the point of life, we can think about these periods in time as mistakes or regrets, or we can think of these moments as being life lessons that we have learned from and keep moving forward, the key being to not look back because we’re not going that way. If you’ve been following my journey so far you’ll know that I usually start with the next installment of my unedited journal from our backpacking days in 2006, but this time I thought I’d try with my thoughts first, and how by writing this blog I have noticed connections and likenesses to my mum who died in 2008 that has shaped me into parts of the person I am today. Last month would have been my mum's 64th birthday, that’s eleven birthdays not forgotten but instead remembered not in person but with a scone in honour of her love of the ‘Cream Tea.’ Everyday there are reminders of my mum, be it the philosophical red robin that lands at our feet or the unmistakable laugh that Isabel projects as her feet are being tickled, the same laugh as my mum's, all of which allow the flash of a memory to resurface in current time, to pause it, and for that half a second to warm my heart knowing she is always with us in her own way.    
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When I think of my mum I’m reminded of how differently she viewed herself compared to the person I saw her as. Growing up my Mum would share her life stories, the things she did and ambitions she had that were relevant to where we were at that period of time. My mum loved animals and her dream job would have been (or at least that’s how I remember it) working with them. My mum was very open about not enjoying school. She was bullied for coming from a low income family, but not just bullied by other children, also from her teachers too who saw a weakness in her learning and exploited this making her school life something she’d come to regard as a means to an end, and as soon as she could she left school to find work. Growing up both of my parents fought hard for me and my sister to have a good education, to have experiences outside of school that assisted our learning and constantly checked in that we were happy in our school environments. I always loved school, while I wasn’t always in the top set, neither was I bottom, learning didn’t come easily to me, but I persevered and willingly gave my all. I had a good set of friends and I joined in with extra-curricular activities, especially if it involved drama. My mum constantly told me I could be anything I wanted to be, so for a long time I dreamed of life as an actress, or singing on a Cruise ship while I sailed around the world. When I saw a job come up as an assistant at Jerry Greens (our local dog rescue center) I rushed home to tell my mum to apply for it. What came next was the biggest surprise in my teenage years; stood in front of me was my mum telling me that she couldn’t apply because didn’t feel confident enough; 

September 2nd to 25th 2006 – From the Sunshine Coast to the Gold Coast

Now then, let’s get you all up to date. For the record this is the second time I have written this, I spent 3 hours in an internet café a couple of days ago, finished other than to start spell checking and accidentally pressed a wrong key losing everything so this is going to be a shorter version because to be frank I don’t have another spare 3 hours, well short for me anyway.

To start off with huge apologies to you Cheyne; I know what it’s like when people spell my name wrong so rest assured I won’t do it again.
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OK so next morning leaving Mackay 2nd September, 5am and we have never been so bright eyed and bushy tailed, we're on the road again. Thinking its best to give Stanley a bit of a test run, not run him ragged or anything we altered our route a little to stay close to the coast line, heading in the direction of Rockhampton. By 8am we'd arrived, seen all we needed (a lot of these places look the same) so decided seen as Stanley has behaved so well we might as well push on. We headed inland over Mount Morgan stopping only once to take in the view for miles, have a generous well needed wee stop and stop the camp table squeak that was annoying the hell out of Nathan. Just after 2pm we arrived at the small town of Rolleston, the kind of town with a general store, servo and pub, just as we like them and had a bite to eat. You tend to find in these small towns that the main lunch deals are fish and chips or fish and chips, so fish and chips it was and mighty fine they were, of course followed by a couple of schooners helped.

With an hour and half to our final destination we pushed on, soon arriving at Carnarvan Gorge National Park. The difference from being in towns like Mackay to beautiful places like this really hits you hard; nature suffocates you and is an unbelievably nice contrast. As we drove down the unsealed road we passed wallabies happily taking in the last of the day’s rays, and had our first encounter with rather large emus, heading straight towards the car at full speed. I've never wound the car window up so fast!!! ​

​‘Lindsay, get the shotgun!’

Hello again, now we did say on our home page we'd take you through the highs and lows, it appears we’ve hit a low.
Leaving Airlie Beach and heading in the direction of Mackay, all fully loaded and excited, we managed to get an hour and a half down the road, close to Mount Ossa, when Stanley decided to have a hissy fit and came to standstill. In true Pommie style my phone had no credit and Nathan's had no signal (bizarre seen as mine had and we are on the same network) it left us with no choice; Nathan had to walk to the nearest town and phone the RACQ to come and rescue us. The first time Nathan set off it only took 15 minutes before he arrived back safe and sound with the number for the RACQ. Now here comes the problem with living in Australia, getting a mobile signal can be quite difficult, and after 20 minutes of standing in various positions we gave in and off Nathan went again. This is where I admit again how I’ve watched too many horror movies, Nathan had been gone for at least half an hour longer this time, I was hot, stuck in the middle of what seemed like nowhere and thinking the worst as lots of rather large trucks hollered past. Needless to say when a car pulled up innocently checking I had water I’m afraid I was a little standoffish and waved him on rather quickly when in actual fact the water would have been a nice refreshment seen as ours wasn't in the slightest cold. Another 45 minutes later, and not soon enough, Nathan finally arrived back in a rescue truck and soon after we are being towed to the garage in the middle of nowhere for a long awaited verdict.

​You know you are raising strong and independent children when at 6 years of age they ask questions that you can only hope you answer in a way that will be memorable enough to stay with them until they are free to fly the nest to find the answers by themselves; ‘Mum, what’s the difference between a holiday and travelling?’ And so I answered honestly, taking Isabel back to a recent experience only five days earlier and knowing ahead of us was a further 6 hours in the campervan to Sydney. A holiday to me is stress-free and relaxing, travelling is a challenge. To get to Fraser Island, (a world heritage listed Island) it took us an internal flight from Melbourne, where we’d spent the previous 10 days exploring to Brisbane, only to arrive and discover that our only checked baggage was momentarily lost in transit. It then took us three hours to collect a campervan which mostly consisting of sitting around in 38 degree heat with nothing more than a vending machine for supplies, and after which we drove in the campervan back to the airport to collect our delayed baggage. We then drove what we’d planned in as a three hour drive to our evening destination; Rainbow Beach in Queensland. However, when you factor in that we needed two food stops and a bonus wee stop, that we had been on the go since 7am that morning and now were all feeling extremely tired and fed up, the drive itself became just over five hours, two of those in darkness with nothing but cats eyes in the road and the glare of oncoming road trains to guide us. That night, having finally found our campsite after some confusion over the exact campsite name, we discovered sleeping in the campervan was diabolical. 

The truth is I don’t know what the rules are about blogging and the length of each read, I guess I could find out but should I discover that I’ve already exceeded my allocated number of words (highly likely) then I’d have to put a halt to my writing because I choose to write until all that needs to be said has been, and I choose to do this guilt free. Another truth is that when I set out to begin this blog I had high hopes I’d be much further into our original backpacking journey than I actually am, frustratingly time is just as busy now as it was back then. Remembering this same frustration I had to find an hour to sit and send news home from Australia, twinned with today writing this reminded me of a phrase my Uncle once shared about not rushing things and how anything worth having is worth waiting for; there it was, the realisation that I’ve been typing about the wrong feeling. I don’t think I felt frustrated back in 2006, what I was feeling was determination to find the time to email home just like I am today to share this, which has to be the final and best truth yet, that writing is an outlet that allows you to rediscover things you’d momentarily forgotten and look at them in a whole new light. I do recognise though that I am still the same determined person with a goal; to remember the past by giving it a future within my children’s eyes.

25th July 2006; Sydney to Far North Queensland
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So here we are in far North Queensland and I thought it was time we updated you with our travels continuing from Sydney where we left off....
Best buys so far for us have to be the expensive travel towels from Blacks (walking shop in the UK), they seriously work and take up the slightest of room, the wash bags with hooks are perfect for running to shower rooms and finding things easily, oh and the universal sink plug. No worse buys yet although I suspect I will have a fair few items of clothes that I won’t have worn by Christmas but I’m not admitting this till at least 3 months have passed! Andy and Kelly be aware to leave space in your suitcase for a bit of ferrying for us (love you). A note to Phil here, cheers for sorting the iPod out, seriously it works a treat, the car (this story comes later) only had a tape player but after buying the cassette lead changer thing for the iPod we now have music and plenty of it to choose from; I especially love the East17 tracks. ​

 This is embarrassing, in fact I’m confident any readers I had hooked with my introduction may consider me a complete fraud when you read the first ever email I sent home after arriving in Hong Kong for three days at the beginning of our years backpacking adventure;

1st July 2006; First Instalment of our adventures
Hi there, it’s me and Nathan at 2.35am here in Hong Kong, and England have just lost their game – bummer, I was soooooo giddy. Hong Kong is so humid, it’s a little unbearable and the things they cook and show on the streets are not nice; ducks with beaks still attached and rats! The buildings are amazing – lots of photos taken and lots more to see before we leave.’ Only a quick email for now to say we have arrived safe and sound and lapping it all up. Speak and email in detail soon. Lindsay x

Wow.
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OK, so here’s the thing, I did promise to include the emails and journals exactly as I wrote them minus the spelling errors, I’ve removed these because let’s face it my use of the written English language is humorous enough. I mean I seriously wrote ‘bummer’ in an email to my parents. I remember my dad at a parents evening once telling my English teacher I sounded like, and I quote, ‘a refugee from Eastenders.’ My mum was an absolute TV soap addict hence the link. I was absolutely mortified, I still am, I’ve never quite fully understood my dad’s humour but I can’t deny my first email home makes me wonder how I ever passed my English exams; I did by the way. 

​I’m a couple of months into being a stay at home mum which seems an odd thing to say considering I’ve been doing this for a year already, but that was different, I was on maternity leave, I had a job to return to so drinking coffee and eating cake at any given opportunity especially as soon as Zack took his ‘twenty minutes is all I need in a day nap’ was the guilt free right I had earned, and I drank a lot of coffee. Actually I ate a lot of cake too. Fact. Mostly in those moments if I was solo I found myself contemplating reading the book I’d forgotten to pack or re writing the ‘to-do’ list which often had become longer rather than shorter, and considering whether if I made the phone calls I needed to make just how far into the conversation I’d get before I’d have to apologetically end the call due to a waking boy who through his sobbing would be telling anyone who listened I hadn’t fed him for days (it’s not true just to clarify). I found so often that my thoughts took me to thinking about my mum who died from Breast Cancer in 2008, and as I sit today in yet another coffee shop a month into my new role desperate for the caffeine to kick in so I can brave whatever the rest of the day is going to throw at me, just for a split of a second I feel guilt, 

​New Year, a new role and a new me, that’s what we all say right, but 2018 really is the year I’m starting with the acceptance I am not a failure and the unknown of where it may take me. You see I spent much of 2017 stressing about this, and when, at the end of the year, I found myself sat in the doctors surgery for the first time ever about to admit just how stressed I’d become I knew I had a decision to make there and then; to return to work after a year’s maternity leave or not.
My second baby, a boy, had arrived and I had planned so many adventures but what I didn’t plan for was the journey I was going to go on myself